Have you ever had anyone call you out for your actions and attitude? You think you live your life with a certain agency and intent, yet every now and then, someone very close to you calls you out on your bull and you’re left there stunned and tripping over yourself.
You for sure didn’t intend for them to take it that way, or maybe you spoke out of turn because you needed to get your point across. Either way, your actions are perceived as selfish and hurtful. This is really freakin hard to deal with. As someone who plans and meditates and analyzes… When things don’t turn out the way you expect, it’s surprising and annoying. Even if you prepare for the contingency that you are wrong — and let’s be honest, you probably didn’t — it can still take extra resources to repair the damage.
Just, make sure you repair it. As off-putting as it is to make a mistake, the worst response is to deny anything went wrong. Or worse, blame it on someone or something else. Have some tact and own up to it. Then be annoyed later.
You may have the best of intentions. But when it involves the lives and hopes of other people, you gotta realize it’s not just you in the line of fire if this goes wrong. There is no plausible deniability when it comes to interpersonal relationships. Once you start playing that card, everyone will know you aren’t a team player and will know not to trust you. They can recognize a sinking ship, so they aren’t going to trust you as the captain unless you start taking some responsibility. Own your mistakes. And put some skin in the game if you decide what you want is still worth it. Commitment is key. It’s scary, sure. But that risk is what makes the world take notice.
If you are a selfish person, ask yourself why you don’t take advice well. Figure that out and you’ll be a lot closer to understanding what key flaw others are seeing in you but you yourself are blind to. And for goodness sake, start trusting people a little more when it comes to hearing about their life. Believe it or not, you are not an expert on their subjective life experience. Listen. Really listen. And act on what they tell you. Be intentional. And you just might save your relationships.
Don’t complain. Don’t victimize. Stand up and be the adult in the room. Assert some self-control and be reliable. If you make a mistake, own it. Maybe you need to form a new pursuit to learn how someone communicates. When they say they are hurting, make a change. Don’t fall back into your comfort zone. Break the cycle and blaze a new path. And remember, if you love someone enough to show affection and sacrifice material gain, you should be also be ready to offer the emotional support as well. Figure that out first. You have to know how YOU tick before you can even begin to tell time on someone else’s clock.
UWC 