I’ve had a lot of time to think.
Although I can’t say I’ve taken full advantage of it to actually think.
Funny how that works; we make small little promises to ourselves to “take time and think about …” but how often do we actually ponder on that decision or course of action? More often then not, the group-think and chortle of preconceived notions win out anyway, it just took a little longer. And in the end we may even feel like we made a more mature choice.
But I digress. Lately, I’ve been able to ponder on how my time is being spent as a young adult (although with only five months to 25, I’m very aware that I not be able to use that label for much longer…).
A large majority of it is spent trying to please other people. Whether I am placating a superior at work, spending time with friends and family, or dabbling in creative art forms, I tend to be motivated by an astounding desire to have others leave that interaction with a positive feeling. And when I can’t achieve that, for any number of reasons, I chalk it up as a failure on my part.
Now you might be thinking it’s just a simple matter of changing lanes here, focusing on what makes me happy and saying ‘to heck with everyone else’s feelings!’ right? Well… It’s more complicated than that, but you’re on the right track. Let’s justify it.
In several journal entries of my early 20’s I’ve penned down my life motto as this: to have a positive impact on the lives of those around me. It feels pretty noble and in my quiet moments I’d like to think it helps keep me focused on being a good person.
But… when you think about it from a toxic point of view, it is scarily easy to adapt that motto into an attitude of being responsible for the happiness of everyone else in the room. Imagine that? Wouldn’t that be such a burden of guilt if someone left my presence not feeling positive and happy? For shame, not living up to my potential and having a positive impact on their lives.
Yeah. Do not recommend. It’s time to switch lanes.
Thankfully, I have a great support system of emotional intelligent family and friends who call me out on that b.s. If you find yourself wrestling with similar feelings of guilt, here’s your wake up call to remember you are your own person. Captain of your own ship. And you can have a more lasting and valuable impact on the world when you focus on honest and genuine pursuits that others can witness. Just ‘being yourself’ is enough. Really.
You may not be able to see it now, but people have an easier time sizing you up and remembering you based on your honesty. And you cannot be happy all the time. It’s physically impossible. Allow for your own bad days and let others speak into it. Flip the script every now and then.
And if you absolutely have to be the positive, happy-go-lucky person, there is always the altruistic approach. Do the task and be happy that it was done from the kindness of your heart, regardless of how anyone else may perceive it.
When you focus on that, the creative ventures turn into valid expressions of yourself, the time spent with others becomes constructive quality time to grow, and the workplace evolves into a series of healthy challenges to overcome and/or goals to succeed at.
It all comes down to how you mentally frame it. Do not hang on to the toxic guilt. No one asked you to bear it (and if they did, that’s a whole other conversation about manipulation) so don’t stress yourself out. We don’t have enough precious moments on this earth to waste on feeling guilty for someone else’s bad day.
So…
Chin up, give the clouds a quick stare,
Those birds up there will still be gliding on air,
So don’t be anxious of being erroneous;
In someone’s eyes, you’ll never be harmonious.
Remember your life is short, no more hocus pocus,
It’s time to crack the knuckles and get refocused.
(Hey HEY, I don’t care that it’s not the best poem you’ve ever read, it’s on MY blog so deal with it)
UWC 