There is nothing more daunting than a future decision. Knowing ahead of time that there will be a fork in the road is an all-too-common recipe for anxiety, overthinking, and stress.
And often in my life, I find that fearing it is completely and utterly useless.
The fear doesn’t really help me prepare any better. My strategies aren’t any better thought through because of it. My position not any stronger. If anything, it makes me weaker, calling into question my confidence in making the right or even perfect decision.
This basic operating procedure born from a place of fear is, in a word, miserable. It erodes and subjugates my mind to bend to the controlling whim of self-sabotage. And the antithesis of that fear, is freedom. Not freedom from feeling it: a little fear can be healthy, keeps the mind sharp and reminds us that the future thing isn’t frivolous or meaningless.
But the fear that controls? No, there is no place for that in a healthy, happy lifestyle. Freedom from its grip is found through exploration, conversation, and the expanding of the horizon. We have to take the blinders off and remember there is a world outside our little minds and minuscule problems. A world that is waiting for us to get over ourselves and enjoy the ride.
I’m not saying that there aren’t important decisions that require us to take pause and feel the weight of. Deciding on the health treatment plan for a family member, or choosing to take a job that will require you to move; those decisions do need to be walked through, tested, and fully understood.
But controlling our emotions is a key part of living a healthy life, the emotion of fear especially. I have recently started applying the outlook of “parts” to the emotions of my life: “I acknowledge that part of me is sad that my grocery store stopped carrying my favorite ice cream flavor. A part of me is hurt by the flippant words of an ignorant coworker. Only a part of me is anxious about that upcoming job interview.
“Part of me is fearful of making the wrong decision this weekend. Of hurting someone, or missing the mark, or falling flat on my face, or ruining the carefully laid plans. But only part of me. Another part of me is excited for the potential winds of favor that might come from this. Part of me is thrilled to see the plan fulfilled, whatever the outcome. Part of me can’t wait to see the look on everyone’s faces if I succeed.”
This has been such a paradigm shift in my self-talk and conversations with myself. Ultimately, I am my own worst enemy: yes that is true. But who says I can’t be my own happiest cheerleader? My own shrewd editor? My own best ally?
We will live with ourselves until the day we die. I’d rather look forward to the internal monologue, rather than dread the controlling fear that seeks to steer me into the rocks.
At some point soon, I plan on returning to my book reviews. I’ve set a goal of finishing 60 books this year, and though I am no where close to 30, I have already chewed through more literature this year than the last two years combined! Sometimes reaching far beyond our means the only way we’ll make any progress. And isn’t that the ultimate goal?
UWC 